The very best sketches from the brilliant third television series, written by and starring Matt Lucas and David Walliams. Bubbles is back! But has she met her match with arch-enemy Desiree? In this battle of the bulge, who´ll come out on top? Dudley´s Thai mail-order bride arrives, but can he get to grips with Ting Tong? Anne appears on Stars in Their Eyes, hosted by Cat Deeley. What will she sing? ´´Tonight Matthew, I´m going to be Celine Dion...´´ Highlights from the third TV series also include Lou and Andy getting into an awful kerfuffle over boob jobs and slow-drying patios, the Prime Minister and Sebastian exchanging favours, Dafydd canvassing support in the local Bi Elections, and Emily and Florence going on their (very small) hen night. Hold the front page! Vicky Pollard has some scandal for the press (for a price) and Marjorie Dawes finally apologises to her FatFighters. By the way, computer still says ´´No´´. Created and performed by comic sensations Matt Lucas and David Walliams, and including Tom Baker´s insightful narration, this must-see TV Series is now a must-hear. Guest stars include Anthony Head, Nigel Havers, Rob Brydon, Imelda Staunton, Richard Madeley, Judy Finnigan, and Ruth Madoc. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Tom Baker. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/rt/bbcw/001009/rt_bbcw_001009_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
Brittany is a sweet, voluptuous girl whos always been self-conscious about her weight. Her roommate, Darren, is a handsome black fitness trainer whos always dating skinny bimbos. The only thing Brittany thinks they have in common is a love for Brittanys cooking, but she couldnt be more wrong! Darren loves Brittanys extra pounds, hes just never felt confident enough to say it! ----- Excerpt ----- Darren brought his lips down to my ear. The thing is, Brit...the neck thing, the hips thing? Those are things you cant change. You get older and the skin sags...and theres nothing you can do about your hip bones. Now, belly fat, a chunky butt, thunder thighs, yeah, those things can shrink with cardiovascular exercise. But you... His hands slid down, down, down...until resting firmly on my ass. Youre just shaped the way God meant for women to be shaped. You have strong hips, you have skin that glows, and everything about you screams fertile and healthy and happy. Im... Was I panting? I could hardly breathe. But I didnt want this moment to end. All hed done was lay his hands on me and I felt more present than I ever had in my life. Im not happy, though, I whispered. He lifted his right hand, and took mine, and laid them together upon the flesh of my stomach. He pressed - he made me press - into my body. He gently massaged around my bellybutton. Why? he said. Because you dont look like Jessica? Like Cherine? Jessica had terrible skin, which comes from drinking too much alcohol, not drinking enough water, and throwing up too many nutrients. Cherine was nice, but she couldnt stop fixating on her breasts. She thought they were too wide apart, she thought her nipples were too dark. Darrens palm roved up, and for a second I thought he was going to grope my breast. But he held me. He just held me, firm, steady. Everybodys got something they dont like about themselves, he said. Thats natural. But if you cant see the difference between a real flaw and some bullshit comparison to somebody else, thats a problem. Jessicas solution was to cake on makeup. Cherines solution was to get a boob job. Oh, I said. His hands slid off my body and he twirled me, like we were dancing, and then we were facing each other. My white hands were almost lost inside his big, dark palms. He squeezed them to get my attention. I never asked you if you wanted me to train you because I never thought there was anything wrong with your body, he said. So think about that the next time someone tells you you have a fat ass. You have a big ass, girl, I aint gonna lie. But thats compared to all the girls out there who think that having no ass is a compliment. Your ass can do things... He bit his lip just as he was about to say something more. Anyway, I look the way I look because this is my job. I like the way I look, I like being in shape, but the world I work in is perched on a very fine line between good health and dysmorphia. You, Brit, you just have no idea how soft and smooth you feel. And you should never feel like you have to make excuses for being exactly who youre supposed to be. I... Why was he being so sweet to me? If I tried to actually form words, Id probably start crying. So I just nodded. Thanks, I managed to sputter. Hey... He brought his thumb up to wick away my first and last tear. That is not necessary. Now look, Im gonna do these dishes. You go take a bath or a shower or whatever you want to do. Hell, take a bubble bath. After a meal like that, you can have anything you want. Anything?