Susie starts us off with a look at electoral politics at a strip club in Florida. That´s right - people in the sex industry are talking about which presidential candidate they might vote for next month. A recent article in The Huffington Post stated that both political parties have a lot to prove to workers at this bar, as well as its patrons. Seems like both Romney and Obama have a long way to go to please some working-class people and earn their votes. Next, we meet another listener in our ´´Tell Me Your Sex Story´´ segment. In this ongoing series, Susie asks willing listeners all kinds of personal, intimate questions and draws out details about their sex lives. Welcome to Susie´s sexual confession booth! Today we meet ´´Genevieve´´, who lives in California. Genevieve and Susie talk about having orgasms as a young kid, getting breast implants and then removing them, and the importance of nipple sensation. Finally, Susie reaches into our ´´Try This at Home´´ mailbag and finds an intriguing letter, in which a linguist writes about the language of love being the way to learn a language. ´´If I can read some sexy, dirty stories, I can learn a foreign language easier. Is this weird?´´ Susie has a lot of fun ideas. Have a question? You can call Susie´s hotline at 831-480-5110. And you can send your confidential questions - plus requests for free samples and blog banners! - to email@example.com. [Episode 544, October 19, 2012] Explicit Language Warning: You must be 18 years or older to purchase this program. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Susie Bright. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/pf/suzy/121019/pf_suzy_121019_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
I´ve been a busboy, dishwasher, baker, barista, cashier, and pizza delivery driver. I´ve lived through the highs and lows of the restaurant business. I´ve cleaned up dead rats, watched cooks screw with people´s food, heard tales of walk-in cooler blow jobs, and delivered pizzas to S & M parlors. I´ve also seen far too many man boobs for any one delivery driver to stomach.This is my true life story of life in the culinary underbelly. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Bobby Brill. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/acx0/036212/bk_acx0_036212_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
How the (Bleep) Did I Get This Old? showcases the best of ´´Laverne´s View,´´ a humor column she began writing in 1999 that has been syndicated since 2004. The author returns to the single life after the breakup of a 21-year marriage. Men are older, but still motivated by the same primal urges, and four decades and three children later, she is still trying to preserve her virginity. Years bring bodily assaults, including cataracts, joint replacements, sagging boobs, and a dying libido. Bardy describes the virtues of growing up in the 40s and 50s when people survived bike riding without a helmet, driving without a seatbelt, and being flashed by men in trench coats without needing years of therapy. She curses her battle with weight, trading high heels for practical shoes, plastic key tags, never-ending junk mail, and packaging that requires iron hands and an act of congress to open. After 23 years of vowing never to remarry, she succumbs to the charms of a man she meets online. When he proposes, she suspects she must really love him because thoughts of marriage don´t send her fleeing to the porcelain throne. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Candee Lewis. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/acx0/049686/bk_acx0_049686_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
Sylvia and George have a wonderful marriage and they also play a silly game. What´s your price? How much to eat fishing bait? How much to scream randomly? How much to flash your boobs? When it comes to the sex questions, Sylvia´s prices are astronomical, so she doesn´t really understand how the people from the Internet site get her to do things she´d charge thousands for. She agrees to sleep with her husband on the beach while being filmed but things don´t work out as planned. Before she knows it, it´s not her husband but a stranger with a very, very large cock. She feels horrible and her husband seems humiliated as hell. Why does he also seem so turned on? Warning: This audiobook contains very explicit descriptions of sexual activity and includes rough sex, group sex, first anal sex, reluctant sex, first lesbian sex, and more. Only mature adults who won´t find that offensive should listen to this collection. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Reagan West. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/acx0/074701/bk_acx0_074701_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
You´ve found your Ultimate Retirement Book! Congratulations on reaching that point in life where you can sit back, put your feet up, and enjoy retirement! Just think of it, no more cares, no more hurry and...no more paychecks! Yikes! The first day of retirement is an exciting time. You get to sleep in until noon, then sit around in your pajamas all day. There are lots of soap operas to catch up on and then of course all those small jobs around the house you’ve been putting off for years. That was always the plan, right? But the reality is you’ll still get up at 7 a.m. every morning, looking in the mirror and wonder what to do with yourself. Maybe you’ll head out to Starbucks and nurse a coffee all day. Or you could just sit on the porch and scratch yourself as people go by. Those options don’t appeal to you? Well then, you’ve discovered the ultimate book on retirement just in time. Take this humorous approach to enjoy your retirement. In this book you will discover the 50 best things you absolutely need to do to enjoy your retirement to the fullest, such as: Joining a Nudist Club...It’s a jiggle fest and a giggle fest Dancing...Men will hate it, women will love it Get a Sex Change...for guys that had man boobs anyway The Art and Science of Napping...and yes there is Smoke Pot...Join the movement, it’s a joint effort Check out Cemeteries...Your last rodeo Gamble in Vegas Baby! What happens there stays there And so much, much more… After reading this book, you will never get bored in your retirement. You will know exactly what to do in your life...in the funny, humorous ways.... Perfect for retirees. Perfect retirement gift. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Sam Slydell. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/acx0/100544/bk_acx0_100544_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
Naomi is adopted, and she doesnt fit in her white-bread home town. But the lovely Filipina girl is hot and randy after a year of getting all the guilt-free sex she could handle at school. When her eyes settle on her hot younger brother Luke, she takes matters into her own hands. Because it isnt REALLY incest when youre adopted, right? ----- PG Excerpt ----- Wow, Nayo. That feels...fantastic. He could hear the smile in her voice as she moved her hands to his shoulders. My instructor said I had good hands. Of course, she might have just been trying to get into my pants. Uh-huh. He closed his eyes, his body sinking into lethargy. Then her actual words penetrated. Wait. She might have been trying to get into your pants? Yes. Her hands didnt cease their delightful movement, but her fingers gripped him hard around the shoulders, making him wince. Why? Do you have a problem with that? No. Not if you dont. Mindful of the fact that she needed to do her job, he kept his shrug to the barest twitch of a shoulder. Did you ever... Her hands moved down his arms to his biceps, her thumbs digging deep into the large muscles there. He could feel her shifting on the bed to keep a good angle. Her knees were on either side of his thighs. No. Oh, once, maybe. But not with her. Just a little fooling around with one of my girlfriends when she brought some wine from home and we tried it one night. You know how it is. Youre lonely, youre far from home, youre escaping all the religious bullshit youve been brought up with...and you start to wonder. Am I a lesbian? Or am I just hornier than hell? So we got a little tipsy and played truth or dare. Three of us. And when Linda dared Kimberly and me to make out, we did. She shifted again, her strong little hands working on either side of his spine. I liked it, she continued blithely, shocking Luke to his core. And I think I would have liked it more if wed gone a little bit further. Kimberly... her voice trailed off. I think she just got caught up in the moment. The next day she was complaining about her hangover and how she couldnt remember anything. But the way she looked at me made me sure that she did remember. And she wasnt sure whether she liked it or not. So...what are you saying? he asked, feeling as if he were tiptoeing through a minefield. In the dark. Blindfolded. Are you...youre not a lesbian? Are you? No. Moron. She slapped his rear, the sound echoing through the small room. She ignored his hiss of pain with serene indifference. Im not even bisexual. But sex isnt binary, you know. When you get to USD youll have your nose rubbed in that. She moved again, all the way down to the bottom of the bed, where she could massage his calves. More oil hit his skin. Thank God youre not too hairy down here. I swear, some guys Ive been with, they look like Bigfoot. Anyway, when you come with me to Vermilion, youll see that its true. There are gays and lesbians and some trans students. And there are bisexuals as well. We have ten thousand people on campus. Hell, Luke, its got almost as many students on campus as live in this entire town. So... he was growing even more confused. Youre not bisexual? But youd like making out with a girl? The right girl, yes. Kimberly and I are good friends. And shes cute. Shes got this fantastic reddish-brown hair, and nice big boobs. So no, Im not a lesbian. Or bi-sexual. But, you know, if Kim caught me in a weak moment and I was really horny, I might think about it.
At first, my job was a pretty big thrill. Whenever I would tell people I was a scientist who specialized in conducting sexual experiments, their eyes would perk up and theyd want to hear all the details. I didnt blame them. The details could get pretty juicy. All those sexy, sweaty bodies clashing together really turned me on. Id stand there, taking notes on my clipboard, pretending that I didnt care about anything except the research, but deep down Id be melting. But after a while, all those bodies engaged in all kinds of sexual activity got a little boring. Sex research was just another job. Thursday started out that way. I had spent my morning observing a man and woman having intercourse. He was a handsome man, tall frame with rippling muscles and a lean face. She was gorgeous, a petite redhead with a curvy ass and ample boobs that seemed to defy gravity. But I couldnt have been more bored. Okay, you can begin now, I said, fighting off a yawn. My attempt to log on to the computer to record my notes didnt work out. For some reason, I couldnt log on. So I simply picked up my clipboard and took my notes there. I marked down the start time of their encounter and watched them go at it for nearly thirty minutes. When they were done, I wrote down the time they finished and took all the appropriate notes. That concludes the experiment for today, folks. Thank you for participating. I shook the hands of both people, handed them their robes and escorted them to the lobby. I returned to the experiment room and... WARNING: STEAMY CONTENT. READING DEVICE MAY MELT. HAPPY EVER AFTER ENDING. NO CLIFFHANGER. ALL CHARACTERS ARE OVER THE AGE OF 18.
And I thought being half Vampyre/half Demon was hard.... That´s nothing compared to being a mother. Sweet baby Moses in a boob tube, there aren´t any books on raising True Immortals, so let me give you a few tips.... Make a map of every closet and bathroom in your home if you enjoy having sex. Sleep deprivation can cause confusion, and a map will help if you have only seven minutes and 31 seconds. You´re welcome. Parenting books are useless if you´re not human. If your child is half Vampyre/half Demon, I would suggest not using parenting books at all - they can backfire like a mother humper. Trust me on this. Have sex. When your child tells you he has an imaginary friend, do not discount this as fantasy. Oftentimes your child isn´t imagining anything. If he persists with alarming and violent stories about this fictional buddy, it´s probably a Troll. Do a thorough search of your home, and kill it. Decapitation works best. Some imaginary friends are harmless. However, it´s wise not to take chances. Have sex again. When in large crowds, make sure you hold tight to your child´s hand. Losing a child in an amusement park is terrifying. If you´re truly paranoid, you could consider putting a chip in your child. If you do this, don´t discuss it at dinner parties. People will think you are weird. At least cuddle. Playing with dolls is fun. Being one? No so much. If your child ever finds a Genie in a bottle, flush it immediately. Many children wish for things that are very difficult to reverse...like being doll sized. If this happens, move to Oz. There are many people of small stature there. And yes, it really does exist. Find a closet, and go to town. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Jessica Almasy. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/adbl/025799/bk_adbl_025799_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
Catch a professional assassin: top priority. Find a failure-to-appear and collect big bucks: top score. How she´ll pull it all off: top secret. Trenton, New Jersey´s favorite used-car dealer, Jimmy Poletti, was caught selling a lot more than used cars out of his dealerships. Now he´s out on bail and has missed his date in court, and bounty hunter Stephanie Plum is looking to bring him in. Leads are quickly turning into dead ends, and all too frequently into dead bodies. Even Joe Morelli, the city´s hottest cop, is struggling to find a clue to the suspected killer´s whereabouts. These are desperate times, and they call for desperate measures. So Stephanie is going to have to do something she really doesn´t want to do: protect former hospital security guard and general pain in her behind Randy Briggs. Briggs was picking up quick cash as Poletti´s bookkeeper and knows all his boss´ dirty secrets. Now Briggs is next on Poletti´s list of people to put six feet under. To top things off, Ranger - resident security expert and Stephanie´s greatest temptation - has been the target of an assassination plot. He´s dodged the bullet this time, but if Ranger wants to survive the next attempt on his life, he´ll have to enlist Stephanie´s help and reveal a bit more of his mysterious past. Death threats, highly trained assassins, highly untrained assassins, and Stark Street being overrun by a pack of feral Chihuahuas are all in a day´s work for Stephanie Plum. The real challenge is dealing with her Grandma Mazur´s wild bucket list. A boob job and getting revenge on Joe Morelli´s Grandma Bella can barely hold a candle to what´s number one on the list - but that´s top secret. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Lorelei King. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/head/000351/bk_head_000351_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.
Catch a professional assassin: top priority. Find a failure-to-appear and collect big bucks: top score. How she’ll pull it all off: top secret. Trenton, New Jersey’s favorite used-car dealer, Jimmy Poletti, was caught selling a lot more than used cars out of his dealerships. Now he’s out on bail and has missed his date in court, and bounty hunter Stephanie Plum is looking to bring him in. Leads are quickly turning into dead ends, and all too frequently into dead bodies. Even Joe Morelli, the city’s hottest cop, is struggling to find a clue to the suspected killer’s whereabouts. These are desperate times, and they call for desperate measures. So Stephanie is going to have to do something she really doesn’t want to do: protect former hospital security guard and general pain in her behind Randy Briggs. Briggs was picking up quick cash as Poletti’s bookkeeper and knows all his boss’ dirty secrets. Now Briggs is next on Poletti’s list of people to put six feet under. To top things off, Ranger - resident security expert and Stephanie’s greatest temptation - has been the target of an assassination plot. He’s dodged the bullet this time, but if Ranger wants to survive the next attempt on his life, he’ll have to enlist Stephanie’s help and reveal a bit more of his mysterious past. Death threats, highly trained assassins, highly untrained assassins, and Stark Street being overrun by a pack of feral Chihuahuas are all in a day’s work for Stephanie Plum. The real challenge is dealing with her Grandma Mazur’s wild bucket list. A boob job and getting revenge on Joe Morelli’s Grandma Bella can barely hold a candle to what’s number one on the list - but that’s top secret. 1. Language: English. Narrator: Lorelei King. Audio sample: http://samples.audible.de/bk/rand/003852/bk_rand_003852_sample.mp3. Digital audiobook in aax.